it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
