Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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