well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
