Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
