Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
