I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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