Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
