i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
