dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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