I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
