Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Two words: blizzard sex
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
