Will you blow on my dice?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and she was petting her beer can
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
