she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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