I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
