I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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