I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
