It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
