I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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