I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
