we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
