I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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