Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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