I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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