Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
