All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.