Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Also, beer. Big fan.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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