Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf

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(647): she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf http://tfl.nu/59j2

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(512): View more from Texas

I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra

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(512): I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra http://tfl.nu/ayn1

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(317): View more from Indiana

Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think

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(317): Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think http://tfl.nu/kspc

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos

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(617): the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos http://tfl.nu/3hab

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(407): View more from Florida

Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.

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(407): Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night. http://tfl.nu/ytoh

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(314): View more from Missouri

you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"

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(314): you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole" http://tfl.nu/qzvn

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"

(308): View more from Nebraska

Stop drinking at work.

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(402): I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit" (308): Stop drinking at work. http://tfl.nu/v2m5

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(519): View more from Ontario

He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.

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(519): He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride. http://tfl.nu/vs7z

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(812): View more from Indiana

She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.

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(812): She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila. http://tfl.nu/arvl

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(323): View more from California

I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw

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(323): I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw http://tfl.nu/ax52

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"

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(847): I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment" http://tfl.nu/bamr

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(563): View more from Iowa

So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!

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(563): So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes! http://tfl.nu/5w2r

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(701): View more from North Dakota

You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"

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(701): You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to" http://tfl.nu/m0ec

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(775): View more from Nevada

You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal

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(775): You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal http://tfl.nu/airp

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(650): View more from California

I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?

(831): View more from California

I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak

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(650): I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up? (831): I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak http://tfl.nu/xa8u

Replies (4) Good night (1163) Bad night (157)

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