I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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