Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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