he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low