My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.