i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.