I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.