And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
