Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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