Sry I called you an 8
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
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its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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