I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
