I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
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I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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