Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
