from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
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so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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