he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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