im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
