I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
