i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
