so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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