That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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