There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
