maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
