3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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