woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
