My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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