hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Come on in and take your pants off
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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