my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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