I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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