Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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