Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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