I have demons in me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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