What did we do last night that was yellow?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
