I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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