I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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