"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
