i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
