My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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