how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
