used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
