ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
