i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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