I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
