nut hugger
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
