I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
