I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
