yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
