He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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