But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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