He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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