So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
