Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
