I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
