Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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