Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
