he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
