I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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