My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
God gave him joint rollers for hands
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
