I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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