I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
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He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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