Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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