FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
