I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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