Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
