We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
