dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
